MARRIAGE IS AN INTIMATE RELATIONSHIP

Genesis 2:21-24; I Corinthians 11:8-9; Matthew 19:5

Marriage is likened to God and the Church. This was the most splendid comparison God could use to illustrate marriage. To separate the marriage is like attempting to separate God from the church. "The man is not of the woman; but the woman of the man" (I Cor. 11:8). What the Lord is saying is that the man (male) is the first principle and the woman (female) is next. This does not mean she is unimportant, but she is in the chain of command. She is his physical counterpart and makes the man complete. The man was not created for the woman, but the woman for the man. For the man to ignore his wife is to ignore the plan of his Creator. Men and women are designed by God not only to complement each other physically but also temperamentally.

1. Man is more aggressive; woman is more content to follow.           

2. Man enjoys the role of "protector"; woman enjoys being protected.

3. Man is more firm and forceful in speech and manner; woman is more soft and gentle.

4. Man is more likely to make decisions by logical analysis; woman is more influenced by emotions and thinks with her heart."

5. Man is more suspicious and questioning; woman is more easily deceived.

6. Man is more impressed with action and accomplishment; woman is more affected by romance and beauty, or culture and refinement.

7. Man's manner is more harsh and gruff; woman's manner is more mild and delicate.

8. Man's broad shoulders and strong hands are designed to perform heavy tasks; a woman's physique is uniquely designed to perform the functions and tasks of motherhood.

PURPOSE OF THE MARRIAGE ACT

God created man's sex hunger by the physical separation of the woman (Eve) from man (Adam) (Genesis 2:21-24). God's divine plan is for man's sex hunger to be satisfied by the physical re-uniting of woman to man in the act of marriage. The same God who designed us as sexual beings and placed this dynamic force within us also left us with His "Instruction Manual," the Word of God, to direct us into a satisfying and fulfilling experience.

For human beings to attempt to gratify their sexual appetites in any other way is a deviation from God's "perfect" plan. Pre-marital or extra-marital intercourse, homosexuality, and bestiality (intercourse with animals), (see Leviticus 18:20-23; I Cor. 6:9), produces guilt, shame, loss of self-esteem, psychological and emotional problems. Sexual immorality can never produce happiness because it is in direct conflict with God's unchanging moral laws.

The original plan for marriage is according to divine procedure and will produce divine results. The Bible talks about four specific purposes for human sexual activity: They are (1) procreation; (2) recreation; (3) release; (4) communication.

A. PROCREATION: (Genesis 1:28; Deuteronomy 7:13-14; Psalm 127:3, 139:13-15)

Sexual activity for the reproduction of the human race is part of God's design.

B. RECREATION AND RELEASE: (Proverbs 5:18-19; Song of Solomon 4:10-12)

Scriptures encourage the enjoyment and sensual delights of sex. Remember that the writer of Proverbs used poetic language as he spoke of sexual energies, drives, and outlets. Through the Bible, a favorite symbol for sex is water (fountains, streams, cisterns, springs, wells, etc.). Proverbs 5:18-19 encourages a husband and wife to experience sexual pleasure.

C. COMMUNICATION: (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-5; Ephesians 5:31)

Ideally, the "one flesh" spoken of in Genesis 2:24 means a blending of spirit, mind, soul (the entire being) with your spouse. Sex provides a means of presenting one's spouse with the gift of oneself and experiencing a like gift in return; a means of saying, "I love you". Lovemaking becomes a mode of intense communication, a means of "knowing" each other.

WHAT LOVEMAKING MEANS TO A MAN

Being able to look through the eyes of another is often the key to complete communication. Failure in marriage can be caused by a lack of understanding of what lovemaking means to the male: wrong conclusions are drawn and great frustrations arise! As a result, communication breakdown occurs. Whatever advances the husband makes, if they are incorrectly interpreted by the wife, her natural response is greatly impaired. Until these advances can be properly understood, the marriage act will not bring satisfying results.

The marriage act is significantly important in the following:

A. His Sex Drive Is Satisfied

It is generally agreed that the male sex drive is the strongest, and he is considered the aggressor, however, it would not be unbecoming for the female to become the aggressor, if she so desired. The wife's desires are just as important as the male's and should be honored by the husband. Threats should never be used by either mate (I Corinthians 7:1-5).

B. His Manhood Receives Support

It has been said that the male ego is stronger than the female ego. If the male is not a man in his own eyes, he feels defeated; therefore, his self-acceptance is greatly reduced, and his ability to perform sexually decreases.  The problem is, he is incompetently performing his male role and he feels his wife's displeasure. If his sex life is poor, this root problem will produce inefficiency in other areas. Until he can accept his manhood in the sexual role, he will not feel at ease.

C. His Love Is Amplified For His Wife

When there is a thoughtful and devoted wife in a man's life, she will sense a responsibility to perform her conjugal duties. Sexual relief comes through the ejaculation of the male. This is achieved by intercourse. A Christian should never employ immoral measures to receive satisfactory relief (Rom. 1:26-27). If he has an understanding wife, this intense drive can be relieved through Christian measures.

D. Conflict Is Reduced In the Home

The root problem of frustrations can be traced back, oftentimes, to a dissatisfying sex life. If sexual needs are not properly met, the man feels self-rejection. He feels his manhood does not reflect the proper image in the home. He further discerns his performance is doubted by his companion. This is embarrassing to the male. The wife must understand the qualities of manhood for the marriage to have its God-given balance. "Neither was the man created for the woman; but the woman for the man," (I Cor. 11:9).

E. An Exciting Experience Is Enjoyed

1. Damaging Philosophies

The act of marriage provides life with one of the most exciting experiences. One of the most damaging charges that could have been made against the sexual act was for the dark ages to accuse this experience and pleasure of being satanically influenced. This school of thought has introduced some very awkward impositions upon marriage. This philosophy is called Asceticism. This philosophy maintains that any fleshly satisfaction is evil. It considers sex only as a necessary function for the procreation of the human race. This philosophy is described in Colossians 2:20-23 and strongly denounced in I Timothy 4:1-5.

Another damaging philosophy is Eroticism. According to erotic philosophy, there are no moral or spiritual absolutes. The highest good that can be achieved is the satisfying of one's physical appetites.  This hedonistic (sensual) philosophy is denounced scripturally in I Peter 4:1-5.

2. Foreplay

The Scripture expresses its approval of the marriage act "Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled; but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge," (Hebrews 13:4). There are some specific techniques that the male needs to initiate to prepare the female for the God-given act. If in the initial foreplay of love-making, wrong methods are used, there will be limited satisfaction. Oftentimes the question is asked, what kind of foreplay should be enacted?

A couple may use whatever foreplay they feel comfortable with since there is no specific scriptural outline given. Her body has been given to you (the male), and in return, the male body has been given to his wife. The two become one flesh in sexual union. This is to be administered tenderly and gently with great respect and admiration for the female body the Lord has placed in your stewardship. It should be conducted with completely open communication and mutual consent for meeting each other's needs.

The sexual experience was given for the enjoyment and procreation of the human race. If it were not intended for pleasure, when the woman passed the time of childbearing, all sexual desire and enjoyment would immediately cease. This is not true at all; for many women when they reach menopause enter a stage of conjugal experience not previously enjoyed. Therefore, Christian lovemaking is a beautiful contribution to a healthy marriage (Proverb 5:17-20).

If men do not love and respect their wives, they do not love and respect themselves. "So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself," (Eph. 5:28). If men will honor their marriage vows as a God-received oath and honor and love the wife God has given them, it will pay high dividends in their marriage as long as they live.

WHAT LOVEMAKING MEANS TO A WOMAN

The physical counterpart to a man is a woman. She was tailored expressly for him as his helpmeet. The woman represents a God-given expression to man. She has her origin from the male body; she is bone of his bone and flesh of his flesh (Gen. 2:23). She is his counterpart mate. If she is received as she was intended, his life will be blessed and inspired all of his married life. A heterosexual relationship is a God-ordained union; anything that fails to measure up to this God-given standard did not come from the Bible. Jesus reminded His generation of the original pattern. "...Have you never read that he who made them from the beginning male them male and female," (Matt. 19:4). Within this working pattern, the physical, emotional, and domestic needs are fulfilled. If one of the principles is absent, we have an improper balance.

A. A Fulfilling Experience

If the woman is unfulfilled in her marriage, she is subjected to frustration in other feminine exercises. Being frustrated and dissatisfied as a wife, and feeling she is not properly discharging her duties as she should provokes depression and stress which needlessly saps her physical strength. Marriage is a lifetime work; consequently, if her conjugal exercises are lacking and are unsatisfactory, this affects other vital areas.

B. Reassurance Of Her Husband’s Love

It is a consensus among psychologists that all people have a basic need to be loved. There could be some exceptions: i.e. if a person becomes senile and unable to do certain tasks.

Oftentimes when husbands are taken out of the home for long periods of time, complications arise because of lack of companionship. This need for companionship may not be fully understood by the male. Therefore, upon his return home, he will quickly notice his wife seeking his attention. This is seen by her wanting to share with him the experiences she had while he was away. The husband may not always be interested in these minute happenings, but she feels a need to share these experiences with him. He must act as a therapist by being a good listener. In turn, she is psychologically relieved. If these measures are not followed she will detect that her interests are not important to her husband, and a wounded spirit may surface. It is very important that husbands carefully recognize this need and fully cooperate. It is the small things that women often want men to give themselves to.

C. Her Directed Love Is Received

A woman's love is made to be toward someone, "...Her desire shall be to her husband," (Gen. 3:16). This is a specific purpose. She was created for companionship with the male. Her creation was to meet a particular need in the male species. She has a divine mission. The woman completes the physical whole, "neither is the man without the woman," (I Cor. 11:11). How many women do you know who have chosen to be a hermit? The woman feels the perpetual need for companionships.

D. Her Compassion Is Expressed

Women have a compassion often absent in the male. Who hears the whimper of a baby? Women do not manifest compassion because they are a mother, but because they are a woman. She thinks lives and feels compassion. She has a very intuitive nature and can often sense danger before her male counterpart.

E. Her Need For Romance Is Met

Women are naturally romantic! Who is it who anticipates being carried away by Prince Charming? It is easy for women to be carried away by fantasy; this is not bad. It is just the way they were designed by the Creator. Therefore, for this reason, she needs romance. She needs to feel needed. She loves flowers, music, soft dimmed lights, and a host of other things.

They especially like to be remembered on special days: Mother's Day, birthdays, Easter, Christmas, Valentine's Day, anniversaries, etc. When she is remembered on these special occasions she feels loved and appreciated and rightfully so. "Love your wife as Christ loved the church" (Ephesians 5:25).

F. Her Passionate Love Is Aroused

Passionate love has often been attributed to men; be not deceived, it is also found in the female as well. To get this aroused in the female is to provoke the created principle which was given to them by their Creator. To ignore this is to create frustration in them as well as the man. Do we care to go along? Women love to please their husbands!

G. Her Sex Drive Is Satisfied

Women on the whole do not have the sex drive often attributed to the men; nonetheless, she was created with a sexual demand. If this demand is not honored, serious consequences will follow. She must be received in all capacities as she was created.

H. Her Nervous System Is Relaxed

When fulfillment is honored in the female there is a relaxed feeling and the warm after-glow of assurance. The very opposite is true if it is not. God so arranged for the male and female to come together in lovemaking to fulfill their needs.

I. An Exciting Experience Is Enjoyed

When the marriage act is consummated as was ordained by the Lord it is a very delightful and satisfying experience, "...and shall cleave (sexual union) unto his wife; and they two shall be one flesh (Gen. 2:24; Matthew 19:5; Ephesians 5:31).

The ability to have sex is one of the gifts God built into humans upon their creation (Genesis 1:28). He gave it to use for our benefit and happiness. In the Bible, He encourages couples to enjoy this type of intimacy within marriage (Proverbs 5:18 - 19, Song of Solomon 1:12 - 13, 7:6 - 13, 8:1 - 3).

What God does not approve of, however, is using the gift of sex wrongly by performing it before marriage (fornication or lust) or with someone who is not one's marriage partner (Leviticus 18:6 - 18, 20:10, Deuteronomy 22:20 - 22).