REJECTION

 “For He shall grow up before Him as a tender plant, And as a root out of dry ground. He has no form or comeliness; And when we see Him, There is no beauty that we should desire Him. He is despised and rejected by men, A man of sorrows and acquainted with grief. And we hid, as it were, our faces from Him; He was despised, and we did not esteem Him.” (Isaiah 53:2-3)

We have all experienced rejection in our lives at one time or another. Those times when, for no apparent reason, someone turned against us or made some thoughtless comment.

Some of life's most painful rejection comes from childhood experiences. Rejection suffered in our early years often sets the tone for a person's entire life. Whenever someone that we hold in esteem, such as a parent or close friend rejects us, feelings of being unloved, unworthy, useless, or insignificant can arise. God never intended for us to struggle with feelings of low self-esteem or rejection. Instead, He wants us to understand that we have value and worth not because of who we are in this world, but because He created us and we belong to Him. (Psalms 100:3).

Learning the correct way to respond to rejection is essential if we are to experience the joy and peace that God wants us to have in our lives.

In Genesis, God said: "… Let Us make man in Our image …" (Genesis 1:26). A basic truth in handling rejection is that you know that you were made in the image of God. Nothing can separate us from His love and care. People struggling with feelings of deep rejection find it hard to imagine how God can love them so easily. But, our worth is not based on a human scale. It is based on God's unconditional love.

When you accept His death on the cross as payment for your sins (John 3:16), you become a child of God. You are grafted into His family, and your life has eternal worth. (Romans 11:17). There is nothing you can do to become more worthy. And there is nothing anyone can say about you that will cancel God's love for you.

WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF REJECTION IN OUR LIVES?

Unfortunately, we cannot shield ourselves from rejection. Rejection is only destructive when we internalize it and allow it to creep into our belief system. Satan loves to fuel the fires of low self-esteem with periodic forms of rejection, for example; a boss you can never please, a parent who only praises straight A's on your report card or a friend who ignores you at a party.

We cannot avoid rejection because we cannot control the way people feel about us. Some will like us automatically; others may reject us without reason. But, it is when we fail to accept ourselves, that rejection has an open door to our emotions.

The results are disastrous, a sense of unworthiness, a lack of self-acceptance, and an inability to build healthy relationships. We feel unworthy and we think others see us in the same way. If left unchecked, rejection will control our attitudes, actions, and even our relationship with God and others.

Manipulation and a desire to control others are key instruments of a person who feels rejected. Many times when a person rejects you, they want you to perform a certain way. By using rejection, they manipulate you until your actions line up with their desires.

The only way to combat rejection is to gain a strong understanding of your worth. Who you are, is not determined by those around you. Anytime you base your self-worth on what other people say about you, you set yourself up for rejection. You have to learn to like yourself and accept yourself for who you are. You are unique.

In his first epistle, Peter writes to a group of believers struggling with persecution and deep rejection. Trying to instill a sense of hope in those who will read his letter, Peter tells them of their value in the kingdom of God: I Peter 2:10 “Once you were nobody. Now you are God’s people. At one time no one had pity on you. Now God has treated you with kindness.”

WHAT ARE SOME FACTS THAT WE SHOULD KNOW ABOUT REJECTION?

There are many characteristics that can help identify when a person is struggling with feelings of rejection. Rejection is a result of basic human needs not being met. For example, each of us has the basic need to be accepted. The following are some characteristics that are common in rejection.

1. Fear of opinions of others                                                  

2. Feelings of inferiority         

3. Perfectionism                                                                      

4. Suspicious of anything nice done for you

5. Difficulty in trusting God                                                   

6. Difficulty in trusting others

7. Severe depression and thoughts of suicide                         

8. Over-emphasis on material values

9. Self-verification — seeking proof of self-worth                 

10. Over-emphasis on dress and appearance

11. Anger                                                                                

12. A critical spirit

13. Domineering appearance                                                  

14. Self-imposed isolation

WHAT CAUSES REJECTION?

There are many causes for rejection. A thoughtless, seemingly harmless word spoken by a parent can be perceived in such a way that we experience a lifetime of rejection. Obvious forms of rejection include mental, physical, and sexual.

Divorce is a leading cause of rejection. Many divorced people find it difficult to begin life over after a divorce. They struggle with feelings of failure and low self-esteem. A death or abandonment of a parent also leads to feelings of rejection. The guilt of past failures and the criticism of others are avenues of rejection. ¿What major events in your life have caused you to experience rejection?

We are the only ones who can stop the horrible effects of rejection. While God provides the spiritual tools, we must choose to use them. Anytime rejection gains a foothold in our lives, our self-esteem suffers. We find it hard to forgive ourselves and others. Instead, we hold grudges because someone said a thoughtless remark.

Feelings of resentfulness and bitterness from a lack of forgiveness only feed a poor self-image. Ask God to show you the people you need to forgive. They may have hurt you deeply; but by forgiving them, you are freeing yourself to receive God's forgiveness and restoration in your own life.

HOW CAN WE DEAL WITH REJECTION?

Dealing successfully with rejection requires honesty and a willingness to get to the root of the problem which is a poor view of our self-worth. We can never base our worth as a person on the opinion of others. If we do, we are sure to suffer disappointment and rejection.

Only God can meet all your needs. He is you're all in all in every situation. You belong to Him. You hold a special place in His heart; He loves you and cares for you. 

Jesus knew that after His death there would be long, dark moments of confusion and persecution for His disciples. Therefore, He prepared a way for them to sense His presence forever. They never had to lose their sense of belonging because He sent His Spirit, the comforter, to them.

The word comforter in the New Testament means to come alongside another, to offer aid, to be a defense and an advocate. Jesus was this to His disciples. He left them and us with the eternal gift of His Spirit that we might know we are never alone. He tells us in Matthew 28:20: “I will be with you always.”

John 15:16 tells us that God has personally chosen you. Isaiah 49:16 says that your name is etched in the palms of His hands. He promises to be your strength your sufficiency and your redeemer.

We are capable to work, live, and enjoy life because of the power that is ours in Jesus Christ. The next time rejection comes:

1. Identify the source of the rejection and the accompanying feelings.

2. Reaffirm your position as to who you are. Tell God exactly what you are feeling. Know that He understands the heartache of rejection and He will use every trial to draw you closer to Him.

3. Recall the unchanging truth that you are unconditionally loved, accepted, and complete in Christ.

Jesus suffered the ultimate form of rejection. He was mock; spat on, threatened, and finally put to death. His entire life was a sacrificial offering of forgiveness, acceptance, and unconditional love. Yet everywhere He went, He faced rejection. But man's view of Him never altered His focus. It could never damage what He knew to be true. Victory over the world's rejection was His. He did not need the world's approval.

Always remember that God loves and cares for you. The victory is yours the minute you apply the truths of God's Word to your life. You don't need the approval of the world or its favor. All you will ever need has been provided for you through Jesus Christ. You can rest in His sufficiency and be content in knowing that His grace is forever yours.

As you draw closer to Him, He will change you and sand away those rough areas of your life. But He will never reject you. When you come to Him, you will find the joy and happiness that you are longing for. In Him, you can always be confident of His love and acceptance.